


Hold me Down

by throwupsparkles



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, gerard is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23202538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/throwupsparkles/pseuds/throwupsparkles
Summary: "This one was really bad. And I, fuck, I was out of town and I should’ve called.”Frank shakes his head. “Wouldn’t have answered. I’m not sure where my phone is.”“I found it in the oven.”
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 16
Kudos: 137





	Hold me Down

Frank hasn’t slept more than four hours a night in over a week. He can’t turn his brain off, and he knows that’s when it gets bad again. 

He paces his room, picking up random things and putting them somewhere else. He picks up his lamp from his night table and plugs it in on the floor near the window. He reorders his books by publication date instead of author’s last name, then reorders them by color. He picks up abandoned clothes on the floor and puts them on a chair. He turns a picture of him and Gerard to a different angle, so that he can see them when he walks through the door. Like he’s saying hello when the door opens. 

He should call Gerard. This is, moments like these are when he should reach out.

But he doesn’t.

  
  


Gerard comes over after three unanswered phone calls. He knocks on the door, and after he gets no answer, he stoops down and pulls the spare key out from under the frog statue next to the door. He opens the door and finds Frank standing in the middle of the kitchen like he’s trying to remember something. His hand is outstretched towards the refrigerator, hand curved like he’s holding the handle.

“Frankie?” Gerard asks.

Frank blinks and his gaze shifts to Gerard, eyebrows furrow. “Gerard?”

Gerard smiles and sets down his bag on the kitchen counter. He leans against the kitchen sink, assessing Frank. His hair is wild and clumped, like he hasn’t showered in a few days. His hazel eyes are being weighed down by bruised bags. His lips are chapped, and split down the center of his bottom lip. He’s still wearing the same Zelda shirt he was wearing a week ago when they went out to lunch. He’s barefoot and his toes look caked in dried blood.

Gerard pulls Frank to the table and gently coaxes him into a chair. 

“Babe,” Gerard says gently, “When did you hurt your foot?” 

Frank looks down at the foot that Gerard is holding and shrugs like he’s never seen that part of his body before. 

Gerard gets up and wets a towel before coming over to wipe the old blood from his skin. He finds a healed cut on the bottom of his foot, small and crooked. 

“Did you step on some glass?” Gerard muses.

Frank blink, his face waking back up. “Oh, yeah. I dropped a cup. In my bedroom.”

Gerard finishes cleaning his foot, but holds it in his hands. “When did you last shower?”

Frank rubs his hand over his face and sighs. Gerard rubs the foot he’s holding, working his fingers into the muscles for a bit then moving up his calf. Touch always brought Frank out of his dissociative episodes. 

“Thursday,” Frank answers.

Gerard has moved onto the other leg, waking up his numb limbs. “This week, or last week?”

“What’s the date?”

Gerard frowns. “The twentieth.”

“Last.”

Gerard nods. “Ok, Frankie, let's take a shower.”

Frank lets Gerard move him like a doll, half carries him into the small bathroom of Frank’s two bedroom house. Gerard turns on the space heater Frank keeps in there because he’s always complaining about being cold. Gerard waits until the room gets warm before turning on the shower and finding the right temperature. He kisses Frank’s forehead, then pulls the Zelda shirt over his head. He taps on Frank’s shoulder and he stands so that Gerard can help undo his belt. Frank’s hands still feel numb, his fingers don’t feel like they’re even connected to his body. 

“I got it,” Gerard whispers after Frank tries to help, but just makes himself more frustrated. He always gets agitated when he first wakes up, especially if it’s been a week-long episode. He lets Gerard undo his button and zipper then push the jeans down his jeans. Frank wiggles a bit until they fall around his ankles and he can step out of them. 

“Get in with me?” Frank breathes.

Gerard kisses the tip of his nose then undresses as well. Frank kicks off the last of his clothing then steps over the lip of the tub and stands under the cascading water.. Gerard takes Frank’s shampoo and pours it in his hands before sinking his fingers through Frank’s clumped strands. 

Frank hums. 

“How long has it been?” Frank asks.

Gerard frowns. “I’m not sure. I saw you last week at lunch. I called you Sunday, last night, then again this morning.”

Frank groans. “Fuck.”

Gerard sighs sympathetically. “Has your work called?”

Frank shrugs.

Gerard massages Frank’s scalp, smiling gently when Frank’s eyes close and he sighs in bliss.

“Tilt your head back for me,” he says gently, and works through Frank’s hair under the running water, making sure all the suds escape. 

Gerard reaches for the shower gel that he bought him. Frank had been using shampoo for everything, claiming it was all soap so it didn’t matter. Gerard takes his time working the soap over Frank’s skin. Frank sighs and when he can’t take it anymore, he hooks his arm around Gerard’s neck and pulls him in to kiss him. Gerard kisses back slowly, coaxing the sighs from Frank’s mouth rather than forcing it. He nibbles on his bottom lip, tasting blood under the cracks. He licks inside his mouth, luring out sighs and whimpers. 

Gerard pulls back and steps forward, so that Frank is completely engulfed in the stream of water. He closes his eyes and tilts his face up, finally feeling something. 

When they get out, Gerard wraps him in a towel and takes another one to muse his hair dry. He puts it around his waist then says, “Wait here where it’s warm. I’ll go get you some clothes.”

Gerard leaves the warm bathroom and walks into Frank’s bedroom, then freezes. It looks like a bomb went off in here. Gerard is used to the randomness that always seems to occur during Frank’s episodes, but this one was bad. There’s shoes on the bookshelf in place of the novels that Frank collects. The books are on top of the television, stacked neatly. His blankets are on the floor. A collection of pictures, ticket stubs, guitar picks, and loose change keep his bed company. There’s random newspaper clippings tapped to the wall, all headlines of death, kidnappings, rapes, and missing persons. Gerard closes his eyes and whispers, “Frankie.”

He sees the shattered glass by his nightstand and reminds himself to clean that up before Frank hurts himself again. He can’t find Frank’s clothes so he goes through the house trying to figure out where Frank would have hid them. 

He finds them in the dishwasher.

He brings Frank an outfit and watches him get dressed before asking, “Why the dishwasher?”

Frank winces. “I probably thought it was the washing machine. Or I didn’t care.”

Gerard hums. “Want to see what I brought you?”

Frank grins at him. “‘Course.”

Gerard takes his hand and pulls him up. Frank feels tied back to reality, but he keeps his hand gripping Gerard’s like he’s the tether keeping him here. 

Gerard brings Frank into his living room and sits him on the couch. He turns the tv on and fiddles with the remote until he gives up and puts a movie in. Frank doesn’t have to look to know that it’s  _ Princess Bride _ . He waits until the opening credits run then disappears into the kitchen. He comes back with his bag and a glass of water for Frank. Frank takes the water and sips slowly as Gerard pulls out a bag of gummy worms.

“Yes!” Frank exclaims, reaching out for them.

Gerard smiles and hands them over. Frank leans back and rests his head in Gerard’s lap, his feet hanging off the arm of the couch. He munches happily as the movie plays, but eventually his eyes grow heavy. Gerard runs his fingers through Frank’s hair, scratching gently at his scalp, lulling him to sleep. 

Gerard slips out from under him to clean up Frank’s house. He spends the most time in his bedroom, brushing up the glass into a trash can first before he works on the rest of the room. He washes Frank’s sheets and the dishwasher clothes. He’s stirring macaroni over the stove when Frank walks in, his hair mused from sleep. 

“Mmm,” Frank hums, hugging Gerard from behind. He nuzzles against his neck and his hand slips under his shirt to trace lightly over his belly.

Gerard smiles and relaxes into Frank’s touch. “I missed you,” he breathes.

Frank nods. 

“I cancelled the rest of my meetings for the month.”

Frank makes a distressed sound and Gerard turns in his arms to shake his head. “Don’t argue with me about this. This one was really bad. And I, fuck, I was out of town and I should’ve called.”

Frank shakes his head. “Wouldn’t have answered. I’m not sure where my phone is.”

“I found it in the oven.”

Frank’s lips quirk up.

Gerard sighs. “I think, Frank...I want you to move in with me.”

Frank frowns and moves away. He goes to the kitchen counter on the opposite side of the room and hoists himself up. “Cigarettes?”

Gerard pulls his pack out and puts one in between his lips, lighting it then handing it to Frank. 

“I don’t want to move in because you’re afraid of leaving me alone.”

Gerard frowns. “Frank…”

“I know I’m really messed up,” Frank whispers, “I don’t know why I go away, I just do. I just get numb and don’t feel connected to my body anymore. It’s scary.”

“I know it is, baby.”

Frank takes a drag, forgetting his cigarette until ash falls on his hand. “I, you keep me grounded. But it’s not fair to ask you to be like my caretaker. I don’t want that. I want you to be my boyfriend, not my keeper.”

Gerard shakes his head. “I’m not your caretaker. But Frank, I do want to take care of you. Same as you would if I was sick.”

“I’m not sick, I’m crazy.”

“Baby, stop.”

Frank rubs at his eyes that are stinging. “I just want to live like a normal person. I just want to stay in this body and be present.”

Gerard comes over to him and pulls him into a hug. Frank wraps his arms and legs around him, pressing his face into Gerard’s chest. 

“Does it help when I’m with you?” Gerard asks.

Frank nods. “It’s like you’re holding me down to this body.”

Gerard kisses the top of his head. “I’m not going anywhere, Frankie.”

“Hold me down,” Frank whispers. 

**Author's Note:**

> My mental health has been struggling during the panic in the world, so I'm taking it out on fanfics. I should be working on Take This Spike to My Heart, but I needed to pour out a little one shot to break it up.
> 
> Thanks for reading  
> XOXO

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [skin and shell](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26639674) by [velvet_shiver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvet_shiver/pseuds/velvet_shiver)




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